Breaking Up With Feminism?

All_female_survey_crew_-_Minidoka_Project,_Idaho_1918I’ve long said that blogging and the Internet makes freedom of speech a reality for women. Women may have had the “right to speak” before, but who would hear them? I’ve also identified as a feminist since my teenage years.

Still, I’ve been disenchanted, shall we say. And while I’m going to a panel soon about feminism and blogging with Heather, the queen of getborn magazine, here is a rundown of the things that kind of irk me about the whole stupid feminist label:

  • Feminists give men too much credit. Feminists like to say that women are like men and men are like women. They said that when women went into the workforce, men would step up to provide more support in the home. Where is that? Statistics showed that women took the load off men and then men went to play golf and have a beer in front of a football game. As near as I can tell, men don’t even want this “utopia.”
  • Feminists ruined dating. I’m back in the field now and I’m not simply annoyed when a man doesn’t pay for a date, I find them instantly repugnant. Man the f%^$ up! Dear feminists: I want to be wooed and courted and it looks like you’ve made that irrelevant by being so understanding and demanding to be equal. Dislike.
  • Feminists make a lot of excuses for their own men. Let’s face it, women still obey men. Wives still submit to their husbands most of the time. They just don’t call it that. They do things they don’t want to do to keep the peace in the house. Whether it’s keeping jobs that they hate, or doing the laundry, or always being the one who goes grocery shopping, feminists aren’t very feminist when they are in relationships. But, they always seem to find a “reasonable” reason for this to excuse the fact that their men aren’t manning up. At least conservatives are honest that he gets his way because he has a penis. Or as my mother always put it, “he makes the money.”
  • Feminists really require nothing of men. Of course we’ll have sex without commitment or even dinner, we’ll “balance” everything, we’ll pay for everything, we’ll pretend we need no romance, we’ll understand your need to look at porn and even look with you, we’ll do everything. Which pretty much leaves men to do whatever the hell they want. Feminists lowered our expectations of men. Men ran with it. They know a good deal when they see it.
  • Feminists glamorize jobs, even though jobs mostly suck. What’s so great about a job anyway? Being a “working woman” is nothing new. My grandmother picked cotton for ten hours a day her whole childhood. My great-grandmother got up at 4 a.m. and dragged a few kids out to milk cows so she could feed her children. My grandmother, when she raised her own family, was grateful that her husband was willing and able to support the family and she wouldn’t have to have a job. My mother was super grateful that she was allowed to devote her life to raising her children and not having to juggle a dumb job. Myself, I spent 12 years fighting off my husband’s expectation that I have the kinds of jobs he thought were awesome. I didn’t want to do everything all at once. Because it’s a joy killer and it’s exhausting. So thanks a lot for putting that kind of bullshit expectation on me, feminists. It ruined my marriage and it wasn’t much fun. Yeah, I want to be a bad-ass, successful writer and run a profitable life coaching company—but that’s not the equivalent to having a lame job. And I didn’t want to have to do it while I was breast-feeding babies or chasing toddlers. Most people think jobs kind of suck. It’s way more awesome not to have to have one. Men don’t even love having a job. If you’re going to pick a battleground, aim for one that’s more profitable and takes a lot less work. Women should be seeking wealth not jobs. In fact, there are about a million more valuable things in the world to try to get than jobs.
  • Feminists are short-sighted. Equal pay is a craptastic goal. Better pay is a better goal. More money than men have is more awesome than scoring a lousy 22 more cents an hour. Whatcha gonna do with 22 cents? Feel all respected and validated because you’re making the same shitty pay as the guy in the cube next to you? Could you lower the bar any lower, feminists? Come on, get an imagination and think wealthier!
  • Feminists are always talking about moving up the corporate ladder and breaking through the glass ceiling. A better goal would be women building empires and owning our own businesses and designing our own feminine-friendly work cultures. Again, is being a middle manager or a CEO in someone else’s company the biggest thing you can dream up? Just because men have something doesn’t mean we should have to want it. Maybe this is a great dream for some women. But, it’s not my dream.
  • Feminists act like single mothers are helpless moron victims. How is a single mother going to Lean In? I just heard on the news. Uh, sit back and watch bitches! This is how. How they always have. It’s not as if single motherhood is a new invention. Having children without having a husband is not the same as having a debilitating handicap. Givemeabreak. 
  • Feminists act like teenage mothers are helpless moron victims. Teenage motherhood is not new. People used to regularly have children before they were 20—on purpose. FYI, just because you need fertility treatments to get your eggs to act like teenaged eggs doesn’t make teen mothers bad mothers.
  • Feminists act like women and girls in general are helpless moron victims. We all need to be empowered! Because we are what? Powerless? Because we can’t actually do anything without a movement? A grant? A new law? That’s why we need so much empowerment? Most feminist rhetoric sounds like it wants to empower women, but truly it just calls us out as helpless victims who need additional help. Maybe we did in the 1970s, but honestly, in 2013 it’s time to get our shit together and put on our big girl panties.
  • Feminists act like women are at the mercy of everything and everyone. Really, we’re all just jumping up and down asking for permission to be pretty when we complain about prettier, thinner women in magazines. We’re just begging for a nod of approval every time we go to congress and tattle that we’re not being voluntarily granted equal pay. You’re pretty. You’re worthy of equal pay. Believe it. Demand it.
  • Feminists work for 22 cents an hour less and then whine about it. Grow some balls, ladies. If you want 22 more cents, walk off the job until you get it. If feminists really were willing to stand up for their own value in negotiations they would be making far more than men.
  • Feminists are really, really good at keeping women trapped. They act like they want women to have equal say and equal value, but if a woman has a different idea about what that means or, God-Forbid, votes for the wrong candidate, they act like feral cats. Women have always been the gatekeepers for other women, and feminists can get far more venomous than other people about making sure that women stay in the “feminist box.”
  • Feminists manipulate other women with abortion and birth control issues. And feminists fall for it. For 40 years we’ve taken the bait. Then one day you sit back and ask yourself, wait what am I concerned about here? Is birth control really in danger or is this hype to manipulate my vote? Is the right to kill my own baby or to have my daughter kill my grandchildren really important to me? Then you reread that sentence and ask yourself how the hell we got here.

So after this conference, it will be interesting to see if I’m back to enchantment, whether I’m turning in my feminism member card or what.

Tracee Sioux is an Authentic Power Coach, author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories; and she blogs atTheGirlRevolution.com. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com

Images from Wikimedia Commons

  • Terrific post, especially the final bullet point.

  • Sara Lamberto

    LOL….love it! I think you hit the nail on the head and finally verbalized that intangible “it just doesn’t sit 100% right”

  • Lola-at-Large

    ♥ I so totally agree with almost everything here. The only thing I’d question is not what you said about teen moms, because that’s true, but the wisdom of having children in your teens in, as you said, 2013. I mean come the fuck on, it’s epidemic and it’s hurting children, because it’s mostly poor teens and working class teens who are doing it.

    And why are they doing it? Because it’s the only road they see to independence and empowerment. That’s just bullshit. If more feminists got the fuck out of their complaining chairs and actually, gawd forbid, went down to a ghetto or working class neighborhood every Saturday for two freakin’ hours, more of these teens would see different paths to independence and empowerment. Same thing drives me crazy about vile progressives. Get the fuck off your ass and start DOING something instead of playing the armchair enforcement police about what other people are doing, thinking, or saying.

    But seriously, awesomeness on this post. Needed to be said, and now needs to be repeated. Sharing in that spirit. Love the pic, too.

  • Lola, I am sorta a vile progressive, but I agree 14 year olds shouldn’t be having babies.

    But the idea that feminism changed biology and that it’s “better” to focus on your career until you try to have a baby in your 40s is a failed experiment.

    I know women who had babies young, 19-23, and their lives at 40 are badass. Their teenagers are off to college and they get to totally reinvent themselves, have great careers and plenty of youth still left to enjoy their lives.

    Focusing on my career in my 20s did me little good. I only had to start over anyway. It’s not as if the workforce sat waiting for me to get back in the game. It completely did my career ZERO good to have the career experience pre-kid, take a break and then get back in. ZERO good. I didn’t lean in and I didn’t fucking want to. I wanted to focus on my kids and then focus on my career.

    Just saying this feminist fantasy has pretty much only netted an bazillion dollar infertility industry and not much else.

  • Thank you ! I thought I would not live long enough to see, hear or read about women who could finally think for themselves and stop following the so-called feminist way to dictate how women should think. Why the hell should we change from one dictate to another? Again thanks for talking straight! Its about time that every woman start thinking outside of the box- any box. We are the majority and yet we jumped out of the frying pan right into the fire! What a lot of shit. I agree I don’t want to be like a man – I am not ready to lower my standards but I sure am not ready to settle for the treatment I was relegated to before we started a movement then settled for this crap instead of the respect we should have gained! We got liberated alright – liberated to be used and abused in new and different ways. Still 4 a day die at the hands of an intimate, still, every 9 minutes one of us is beaten in our home. Still, every few minutes one of us is raped. This is progress? Now, we have the right to loose our kids in courts after being and be arrested if we dare defend ourselves when beaten by their father. Are we to just be beaten and remain defenseless in the name of equality? Gimme a break– feminism as defined and shoved down our throats is destroying womankind- what a gift to mankind alone!

  • single mom here

    Hi, single mom here. I’ve been at this single mom job for several years now, and your points about us are 180 degrees wrong. Being a single mom is actually very similar to having a debilitating condition when you’re looking for, and trying to maintain, employment — you know, that thing you need to do so that your kids can continue to live in a house and eat food. (Yes, yes, I know. It’s those turble feminists whut killed alimony who ruined it all for single moms. Because guys are so terrific at paying child support — I think it’s only 80% of them who “get behind” the laughable amounts most of them are required to pay — that surely they’d do much better at paying child support and alimony. We can short-circuit the rest of the arguments that boil down to “Tracee shouldn’t have responsibilities toward anyone else outside her own family, because she lives off the grid and has many delusions about self-sufficiency.”)

    When you’re a single mother, you’ll find that employers aren’t really all that interested in the fact that your kid’s got a snow day off from school and you only found out at 7 am, and there isn’t anyone else to leave him with. Or is sick, or is throwing up with nervousness about something at school, or was up all night with nightmares, or has knocked a tooth out of his head. Exactly the same sort of unpredictability, and “sorry, this has to come first” that people with debilitating conditions know when they’re trying to maintain employment. You’ll also find that you’re exhausted from making the money and taking care of everything at home, not unlike the way maintaining employment while struggling with a debilitating illness exhausts people. And, like disabled people, single mothers often find that the only jobs that will accommodate the other thing in their lives that often just has to come first are poorly paid, low-status ones.

    Raising children isn’t a trivial job and neither is supporting them. To jeer at people who say “help single mothers” is…I don’t know what kind of damage you sustained along the way that taught you that this is a reasonable response to other people’s hardship. Who knows? Maybe someday you’ll develop empathy and compassion. It would be nice for the people around you if the lightbulb went on without your actually having to go through more hardship than you can handle on your own. For a lot of people that happens too late in life.

  • Hector

    What a delusional and unrealistic article by some entitled princess who thinks she deserves it all just because she has a vagina. lmao here….

  • Blu Soulstn

    All this talking.. Listen just “woman up” and free the nip or stfu. Equality is having the right to say whatever you want as long as we have the right not too listen

  • John Smith.

    Just another spoiled bitch who wants all of the perks and none of the cons.
    Equality does not equal you getting everything on a silver platter just because you got a vagina.

  • Women are going ahead of men in many areas today. We are not going ahead in the corporations, politics, and stem fields, because we are able “due to society’s better treatment” able to have much more innersecurity in other planes of interests. – If like those very few middle-class boys- we were given love and honor only on condition of some achievement, status, image, perhaps we also would induced to continually strive for the higher skills and places of the corporate, political and science areas. As it is the better treatment we receive allows women to perform much higher than our male peers in school and to have much more success than our male peers academically, and now economically – today’s young women are now earning more than the men our age. This is due to the much better treatment we receive from infancy, which provides more stability, much higher social vocabulary, lower average stress for better reading, writing, and yes, the combined qualities from this treatment, much better communication skills and support from parents, teachers, peers, and society.
    While we may fall short but still slowly making gains in politics, corporations, and stem fields, the numbers of middle class boys is slowly falling along with more girls from all areas of socioecnomics gaining ground due to our (presently) better treatment by society.
    However, we are not counting the many many boys, later men who are falling behind and falling completely out of the information age due to much more aggressive, less supportive treatment designed to make them tough. It is this differential treatment coupled with the need for more information age skills that is providing a present bonanza for us as girls/women while providing a vicious trap for any boys falling out of the middle class stability for the much fewer boys. Even here, many of those middle class boys are falling behind their middle class peers.
    I feel we need to really understand how differential treatment is creating an advantage for us. We need to also, somehow develop a barometer of sorts to understand just how far our male peers will fall collectively and how more micro abrasions and substantial abrasions (yes we as women are doing this and increasingly so as we become more successful more often in school, the workplace and the media) we are giving our male peers will accumulate in more resentment, anger, and finally as they fall behind sufficiently a collective retaliation against women, thus losing our present, more supportive Males in society. We need to understand both sides of the fence and the climate on both sides if we are to continue to do well, even “better’ in the information age.

  • JerryH

    Well done.

    Feminism is a toxic nonsense that is doing far more damage than any good it may of done by accident and is currently continuing to ruin society.

    The more women (and men) that wake up from the victim mentality, and learn to respect others the better.

  • BlackKnight

    She keeps telling men to man up,for what exactly. Todays women cant cook. They cant clean the house. By the time they get to 30 they have ridden the whole town. Women have changed drastically in the last 50 years and you expect men to court you????? Lol. Men are adjusting to womens behavior. You want equality,sure. Pay for your own damn food. Ask men out if u want a date. Mow the lawn and take out the trash yourself. Why should you be wooed? Becuase vagina. Lol

Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Hillary Clinton, Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton Campaign song
Six Reasons “Shake It Off” Should Be Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Theme Song
Nancy Reagan dies, Just Say No, Ronald Reagan
A Not-So-Positive Ode to Nancy Reagan’s Frothy “Just Say No” Campaign
I Married for Health Insurance
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Trump Reality Check, Now with Actual Facts!
Fascism Facts
I Married for Health Insurance
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Women’s Elections Rights in Saudi Arabia: A Token Drop in an Abysmal Bucket & the Plight of Women Under Sharia Law
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
Paris attacks, Paris terrorism
Is Paris Burning?
Chinese government and women's reproductive rights, adopting Chinese girls, international adoption
Dear Xi Jinping, I Am Writing to You as an American Mom of a 19-Year-Old Chinese Daughter
The Vital Voice of Hillary Clinton: Part 1
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
The Eyes Have It!
Ashley Madison, Jared Fogle, sex, rape, sexual affairs
Ashley Madison vs. Jared Fogle: Rape, Sex and Hacking in America
women's viagra, Viagra, Flibanserin, sexual arousal, women's desire, sex after menopause
That “Little Pink Pill” Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Get our new weekly email
Broadly Speaking

featuring our best words for the week + an exclusive longread