I Have No Other Choice, People!

Where have you ever, EVER, known anybody in the medical field, much less an internationally renowned neuro-frickin’ surgeon, declare in front of the entire known world that science is a bunch of fairy tales and the devil was Darwin’s inspiration?!?  He spent how many years studying – wait for it – SCIENCE to become accomplished enough to rise to the status of Second Front Runner?

A thinking person can only take so much.  How long can I be expected to sit on my cushy sagging sofa and watch the clowns on parade without doing something to stop the madness?

A  man who would have you believe he is worth twice as much as he really is; a man who speaks on a fourth grade level to internationally-known broadcast interviewers, misusing and abusing no end of adjectives and adverbs; a man who believes he can roundup 11 million people who don’t want to be found, sort them out according to their goodness and badness, send all of them back to … he says Mexico, but that’s just wrong … and readmit only the “good ones” through some esoteric magic trick he calls Management; and, a man who can’t seem to discern the difference between the truth and a lie; has been the front runner for the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination for FOUR fractious months now!  Donald Trump of the Davy Crockett coif has only recently started to lose his two-digit lead over the second place genius in a large and peculiar array of seriously delusional individuals.

And don’t get me started on that second-place guy.  Where have you ever, EVER, known anybody in the medical field, much less an internationally renowned neurofrickin’surgeon, declare in front of the entire known world that science is a bunch of fairy tales and the devil was Darwin’s inspiration?!?  He spent how many years studying – wait for it – SCIENCE to become accomplished enough to rise to the status of Second Front Runner? (I know.  I doesn’t make sense to me, either.)  Or are we to believe he purchased his M.D. and Board Certifications on the Internet?  I’m sure the parents of those conjoined twins he successfully separated will be happy to know that!

And just when I had decided that the only candidate even close to being viable was the intelligent and not-so-unattractive Marco Rubio, what does he do?  He doubles down on his opposition, not only to abortion in general, but to any kind of exceptions, including rape and incest.  What a guy!  Brings tears to my eyes.

So, in spite of my abhorrence of lying and other kinds of crafty misrepresentations of the truth, I have felt duty-bound to announce my candidacy for the 2016 Republican Nomination for President.  That’s right.  I said Republican.  Forget the fact that I have voted for Democrats all my voting life.  That’s not stopping Trump!  Forget the fact that I have absolutely no experience in politics, nor am I particularly suited for it, what with my being an introvert and all.  And forget the fact that nobody has ever heard of me except my family and my Facebook friends, most of whom I don’t even know.  I’m ready to be Number (17 Minus 2 plus me equals) 16.

No, don’t even bother trying to confuse me with facts like it is too late to throw my hat in the ring.  Facts are like mosquitoes to me.  I swat them away.  I will take a page out of Carly Fiorina’s rather dishonest book and just boguard my way onto the debate platform, whereupon I will blow them all away with my vast emptiness of knowledge, including Trump himself.  Huckabee, affectionately known to me as Huckleberry Hound, will have fainted in the brightness of my ungodliness, so I won’t have to worry about him.  I’ll buy Christie a beer after the debate – I kind of like his brand of brash.

You think I’m kidding?  Look what my campaign manager (don’t tell her I called her that; she’s not really on board yet) made for me:

Screen Shot 2015-09-30 at 9.34.01 PM

Lezlie Bishop is a mixed-race woman in her early 70s who has fought racism her entire life.  After retiring from her corporate public relations position in 2000, Lezlie blogged on the now-defunct Open Salon and is a regular contributor to The Broad Side.  She is a co-author of the book Talking to the Wall and a contributor to a new book Love Her Love Her Not, The Hillary Paradox, due out in mid-November 2015.

To read more of Lezlie’s blog posts, go to her personal blog, Senior Moments of Clarity.

  • Betterthanthat

    Whatcha’ runnin’ for Lezlie? I hope it’s national so I can vote for you! (I will).

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