Let’s Really Value Motherhood

file611302923604The one day a year when we honor our mothers is once again upon us. On Sunday, millions of moms will get flowers and candy, a gift or two, and sticky pancakes or burnt toast lovingly prepared by husbands and kids turned cooks-for-a-day.

As individuals, we’re pretty fond of our mothers. But as a nation we don’t value motherhood all that much. We lag far behind Europe in granting leave for the birth or adoption of a child, for example. Our system of unpaid leave applies only to those who work for the largest corporations, and most new mothers (or fathers) can’t afford to take it anyway. CEOs and their lap-dog lawmakers say paid leave, the norm in most of the rest of the developed world, would cost too much. Guess it would. After all, we have to save money — for tax breaks and corporate bailouts benefiting the same employers that don’t provide any family benefits.

Child care is another area where we’re neanderthal when it comes to social policy. No president has had the guts to propose a comprehensive, federally subsidized child care program since Richard Nixon vetoed such a plan in the 1970s, calling it the “sovietization of American children.” Most moms are now in the paid work force out of economic necessity– but still make only 78 cents to a man’s dollar — so they can’t afford private child care that can run $5-$10 thousand per year per child. The result is three generations of children characterized by a phrase unknown to our great grandparents – latch key kids. The situation certainly makes you wonder what all that “no child left behind,” rhetoric really means.

Many mothers, but few fathers, take traditional “women’s jobs” (nursing, school-teaching, housekeeping, child care) to be at home when their children are. For this they are punished with the historically low wages attached to female-dominated occupations. Is there a reason other than ingrained sex discrimination that dog-pound attendants make more than child care workers, and parole officers make more than social workers? If employers were really “family friendly,” they would seriously evaluate their pay scales to see where the inequities are, and bring women’s pay up to par. And they would also encourage fathers to take advantage of the few programs that do exist, like flextime and job-sharing, without labeling guys who want to do it “girlie men”– or worse.

However much our younger moms have to scramble, the older ones are worse off. The U.S. has the highest percentage of elderly women in poverty of all major industrialized nations. A big part of this is what I like to call the “motherhood tax .” Women have much less money in private pensions than men, due to those historically lower wages, working part-time, or having to drop out of the work force altogether during years when kids are young. And each year of stay-at-home caregiving for kids is counted as a big fat zero when it comes to calculating benefits in the Social Security system.

Twenty five percent of elderly women living alone rely on Social Security for 100% of their income, and forty percent count Social Security as 90% or more. But as a nation we’re still talking about giving our mothers the “gift” of a privatized system, removing the only guaranteed income they have and replacing it with risky and expensive stock-market schemes that will primarily benefit investment houses. Ask yourself this: “If my mother (or grandmother) lost her Social Security today, could I afford to write her a check every month.?” This is no idle question. When those great private investments go the way of Enron, it’s the kids who will pick up the slack.

Instead of fixing breakfast for Mom this year, we should all be thinking about fixing a system that doesn’t work for her. The majority of mothers, like fathers, now work outside the home — they need the money to support their families. We need national policies and workplace practices that reflect that reality. June Cleaver doesn’t live here anymore.

Listen to Martha’s commentary here. In addition to hosting her radio show, guest contributor Martha Burk is the author of Your Voice, Your Vote: The Savvy Woman’s Guide to Power, Politics and the Change We Need! and Cult of Power: The Inside Story of the Fight to Open Augusta National Golf Club, and How It Exposed the Ingrained Corporate Sexism That Kept Women Down.

Photo Credit: MorgueFile

  • Amy McVay Abbott

    Touche. Did you read Anne Lamott’s column for Salon several years ago, that she resurrected this year? It is a Hallmark holiday. Much like Valentine’s Day.

  • It is really unfathomable how undervalued mothers are in this country, especially as evidenced by our paltry maternity leave policies. Thanks for this great article. We need to value our moms: they brought us into this world, after all!

Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Hillary Clinton, Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton Campaign song
Six Reasons “Shake It Off” Should Be Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Theme Song
Nancy Reagan dies, Just Say No, Ronald Reagan
A Not-So-Positive Ode to Nancy Reagan’s Frothy “Just Say No” Campaign
I Married for Health Insurance
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Trump Reality Check, Now with Actual Facts!
Fascism Facts
I Married for Health Insurance
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Women’s Elections Rights in Saudi Arabia: A Token Drop in an Abysmal Bucket & the Plight of Women Under Sharia Law
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
Paris attacks, Paris terrorism
Is Paris Burning?
Chinese government and women's reproductive rights, adopting Chinese girls, international adoption
Dear Xi Jinping, I Am Writing to You as an American Mom of a 19-Year-Old Chinese Daughter
The Vital Voice of Hillary Clinton: Part 1
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
The Eyes Have It!
Ashley Madison, Jared Fogle, sex, rape, sexual affairs
Ashley Madison vs. Jared Fogle: Rape, Sex and Hacking in America
women's viagra, Viagra, Flibanserin, sexual arousal, women's desire, sex after menopause
That “Little Pink Pill” Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Get our new weekly email
Broadly Speaking

featuring our best words for the week + an exclusive longread