Please Meet My Gay Daughter

If you haven’t had the chance to read the post titled “My Son is Gay” by @nerdyapple, please do yourself a favor and read it then come back. (please come back? my self-worth depends on your return to read my post. i’m needy like that.) If you don’t go read it or haven’t yet, it’s a piece about a mom whose 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween and the resulting negative reactions she received from other moms at her son’s school. It’s getting tons of internet attention and news outlets like CNN are interviewing her. It’s pretty much awesome.

The internet and the news outlets are going nutballscrazy about the negative reactions towards a boy wearing a traditionally girls costume.

My daughter has never been a traditionally girl’s character for Halloween. Going through her last 7 Halloweens, she’s been a banana, an Islanders hockey player, Nemo, Pablo (from Backyardigans), Barack Obama, Buzz Lightyear, and Buzz Lightyear again this year.

She’s never once been a traditionally girls’ character for Halloween.

Is my daughter gay? Does dressing in boy’s costumes, boy’s clothes, and boy’s underwear make her gay?

No.

I get funny looks and am tsk-tsk’d when I make the suggestion that my 6-year-old daughter may be gay, and that I would love for her to be gay. I’m not lying.

I would like for my daughter to be gay.

Does that mean I’m “pushing her in that direction”? Does that mean I’m forcing her to listen to the Indigo girls and watch Ellen to ensure lesbian tendencies? Does it mean I won’t love her less if she were straight? Hell-to-the-no.

I would love her to be whatever and whoever she is.

If she’s gay, I would love for her to be gay. If she’s a scientist, I would love for her to be a scientist. If she’s a mother, I would love for her to be a mother.

She is who she is.

But she’s still only 6. Who am I to tell her what she should be for Halloween? Who am I to tell her she has to shop on one side of the clothing aisle and not the other.

She likes what she likes.

She LOVES Buzz Lightyear and everything Toy Story. She loves the color blue. She loves watching Star Wars. She likes listening to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. She loves going to the library. She likes watching Spongebob and iCarly. She likes going to hockey games with her daddy. She likes corn dogs and chocolate and chicken-on-a-stick. She loves going to Disney World with her family.

Disney doesn’t make girls’ clothing with Buzz Lightyear emblazoned across the front. Disney makes boys’ clothing with Buzz Lightyear representing the super hero sect. She LOVES Star Wars, and the only Star Wars shirts we’ve found “for girls” has only Queen Amidala or Princess Leia across the front. Her sister likes princesses; Anna likes Darth Vader.

There are no Buzz Lightyear nor Star Wars panties for girls. I buy boys’ underwear for my girls to wear. They’ve never once noticed that the “panties” were any different than their Cinderella or Hello Kitty or butterfly panties.

She just knows her favorite clothes have her favorite characters on them.

My daughter is a very logical, scientifically-minded kid. She is dying to learn more about space, she loves to play video games, and she’s a voracious reader. She also likes to look pretty in a ballerina dress.

She just happens to wear traditionally boys’ clothing.

Can I say, “My daughter is gay,” when she’s only 6 years old?

No.

Just like any other mother can’t say, “My kid is straight,” when they’re only 6 years old. They are not sexual beings yet. That comes later. That comes when they enter puberty and find themselves attracted to whomever they are attracted to.

I’m not one to say that my children should like one person over another just because of their gender. They will like whomever they like because that’s what they’re heart is telling them they like

If my daughter wearing boys’ clothes, doing traditionally boys’ things makes her gay, then please meet my gay daughter.

I love her.

Angie Lynch is the founder of the blog A Whole Lot of Nothing and a contributor at Curvy Girl Guide.

Image via Angie Lynch. All rights reserved.

 

  • My daughter is going to be Captain Jack Sparrow for halloween. She prefers superheros to princesses. I mean lets face it, superheroes have far greater adventure stories than the typical woe-is-me princess story. But gay? Please. At 7, how would she know or even care. Having fun, exploring, and reading is all that is on her radar. Besides, you cannot teach or push someone to being gay. It is something you are, or something that your not. The only thing you can teach is tolerance, acceptance, and love.

    My daughter knows that the two women that live across the street from us and the other couple that live two doors down love each other like her mom and dad love each other. She has no opinion on that. None whatsoever.

    So, the whole promoting cross-dressing behavior or “gay” behavior on a child because they want to ACT like a PRETEND character of another gender is ridiculous.

    Tolerance. Acceptance. Love. Joy. These are the things of life. Not some ill thought out societal hang-ups about gender and who we can and cannot love.

    Tolerance. Acceptance. Love. Joy.

  • Tamar

    Well, my daughter actually is gay. But she’s 23. The funny thing is that as soon as she was old enough to pick her clothing, she wanted dresses and only dresses. I’d send her to preschool in a dress and a brand new pair of tights and pick her up still in a dress but her tights shredded and brown with dirt. If a pair of tights lasted 2 days, we were doing well. But no pants! Eventually she grew out of that (into sweat pants and jeans) but she’s still, at 23, very girly. Loves pedicures, wears makeup, wears shoes that make my feet wince, bright colors, low cut tops, short skirts, tight pants. And she as queer (her term) as can be.
    So forget all the stereotypes, they’re so last generation. Young people are much more fluid in their identities. Some identify strongly as gay or straight or bi or transgender, but others just love who they love and it might be a person of the opposite sex and it might be a person of the same sex.
    My view: let her fall in love with someone who loves her just as much and is a good, solid, well-adjusted person. Beyond that, I don’t really care.

    • I’ll be elated when my girls turn out happy in love with another person, their jobs, or just with life in general.

      • Tamar

        sounds just right. Thanks for the nice piece you wrote.

  • Of course it doesn’t make her gay and bravo to you for letting her be who she is. It sounds like she has a great support system for being her authentic self and being your authentic self is the only obligation any human being has.

  • Lisa

    At 6 years old my middle daughter (I have 3) insisted on dressing like a boy. She wanted to be a boy. Instead of forcing her to do the opposite to make me feel better, I went along with her because that’s what she was comfortable with. Today at 18, she is a beautiful young woman, confident of herself in every way, and is not gay.

Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Hillary Clinton, Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton Campaign song
Six Reasons “Shake It Off” Should Be Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Theme Song
Nancy Reagan dies, Just Say No, Ronald Reagan
A Not-So-Positive Ode to Nancy Reagan’s Frothy “Just Say No” Campaign
I Married for Health Insurance
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Trump Reality Check, Now with Actual Facts!
Fascism Facts
I Married for Health Insurance
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Women’s Elections Rights in Saudi Arabia: A Token Drop in an Abysmal Bucket & the Plight of Women Under Sharia Law
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
Paris attacks, Paris terrorism
Is Paris Burning?
Chinese government and women's reproductive rights, adopting Chinese girls, international adoption
Dear Xi Jinping, I Am Writing to You as an American Mom of a 19-Year-Old Chinese Daughter
The Vital Voice of Hillary Clinton: Part 1
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
The Eyes Have It!
Ashley Madison, Jared Fogle, sex, rape, sexual affairs
Ashley Madison vs. Jared Fogle: Rape, Sex and Hacking in America
women's viagra, Viagra, Flibanserin, sexual arousal, women's desire, sex after menopause
That “Little Pink Pill” Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Get our new weekly email
Broadly Speaking

featuring our best words for the week + an exclusive longread