Still Looking for a Husband? Just Make Less Money!

450px-Phyllis-schlafly-2007-03_cc

Remember that great children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? It’s a wonderful story that spawned many follow-ups about an innocent little mouse and why you might want to think twice about giving him that chocolate chip treat — it seems like a good idea at first, but the decision to let him have that cookie leads to a road of amusing, but unintended, consequences.

So, as we learned of some recent remarks by uber-conservative Eagle Forum founder Phyllis Schlafly we thought she might must be starting her own similar series for her followers with a volume called If You Give a Gal a Dollar.

Schlafly, who famously spearheaded the defeat of the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s, wrote in an opinion piece that since men “prefer” to make more money than their wives and since women “prefer” to wed a man who earns more than she does, that equal pay for women could doom them to spinsterhood!

That’s right, ladies — if you want to find a husband, your chances are better if you make less money than your suitors!

It’s no secret that Republicans have been in damage control mode when it comes to wooing women back into the fold, hoping we’ll forget about things like Todd Akin’s “legitimate rape” speech or that you can’t get pregnant if you’re raped because your body somehow will ‘shut that whole thing down.’ If the GOP really wants to convince women that Republicans are their friends as we head toward the 2016 election, they might want to ask Phyllis to stop chatting about how much better it is for the ladies to keep that wage gap in place.

As we were shaking our collective heads over Schlafly’s 1950s’ mindset about working women, we started wondering what other “wifely” advice she might have for gals? We tried to channel our best (or worst) inner Phyllis Shlaflys to envision the mouse-and-cookie not-so-amusing consequences one might expect by following Phyllis’ advice:

1. Once said man is caught, always look admiringly doe-eyed at your husband.

2. Regardless of how you feel, have sex at least twice a week so he doesn’t stray.

3. A man should never have to prepare his own breakfast. That’s woman’s work.

4. Stay thin so he still wants you. But don’t curb HIS diet. Keep making him all his favorites. Why should he suffer because you can’t let yourself go?

5. Let him pick out your clothes. After all, he is paying for them.

6. Cook him a fresh hot from scratch meal and have it ready for him as soon as he gets home from work.

7. Never let him see you without makeup.

8. Do the dishes more QUIETLY. He’s trying to read the paper after a long day at work.

9. Always let him start the conversation. Make yourself scarce during football season.

10. The kids are not his problem. That’s woman work.

11. Scrub hard to get the skidmarks out of his skivvies. He deserves clean underwear. He works hard enough without also having to wipe his ass carefully!

We’re sure there must be more, but you get the idea!

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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