These Tea Party Brats Need a Backpack Leash

john boehnerTea Party Republicans, giddy over a government shutdown, look like a bunch of foolish children at the maniacal hour before bedtime when all the crazies of the day come out and, before sleepy eyes flicker, begin to run into walls and wail loudly and without reason all the while demanding ludicrous things that make no sense.

Children are not logical little people. They have no idea that the “magical money machine” is tied to a card that comes along with a bank and a job where work has been done and wages have been earned. Children are selfish beings who do occasionally practice altruism if they have been guided to think of others and find joy in watching a friend’s face light up when they hand over a trinket for a few moments (that’s really all they can bear) before grabbing it back. But the stage has been set: life is best shared and so are things and moments.

Tantrums, buckled knees, and blood-curdling screams shouldn’t get a child what they want, but you haven’t met the parent of a brat: the grown adult that caves and never holds firm, forgetting to dole out rules and abide by them; all the while taking each new scream as an opportunity for a new toy–creating a mini-monster of epic emotions and selfish passions.

Welcome to the 113th session of congress where tea party Republicans have turned the government into a show of anarchy where rules do not apply — shutdown for the sake of a shutdown is the point and where federal employees will go unpaid all because how dare everyone else want health care.

Since 2010, Republicans have been tantruming with “shut it down.” They are offering no solutions, no leadership and have turned “a government elected by the people” into a fraud. Where Michele Bachmann is “excited” to consistently not do a job and continue to get paid for it. Where the always Canadian — yet never asked to show a birth certificate — Ted Cruz is an ambitious monster drunk on his own bullshit and Ivy League degrees; which coincidentally would mean he is the kind of “education snob” Republicans like Rick Santorum love to hate except when they advance an agenda that makes absolutely no sense.

John Boehner runs this caucus of wing nuts and egomaniacs and turns those crystal blue eyes not into slits of tough love or discipline, but instead panders without a backbone like any parent who raises a brat who wants it all without reason or logic and then gets it. The man has no spine or will except to save himself and then shamelessly point fingers.

What then is the plan now that government has been shuttered and the Obamacare marketplace has opened — both on the same day?

To continue to falsely believe in the exceptionalism of the United States? Where our unity has become laughable just like the insistence that we’re not a third world nation despite clear evidence to the contrary. These are dark times for the union where far too many cling to the Constitution as if it were a biblical document written not by fallible men who breathed inequality into its parchment, but gods who created divine absolution for all the political meltdowns that can be had before the lights go out.

The government has been shutdown by a quarter of congress. Not a full party, not half of a party, but a quarter of the Republican party in the first branch of government: the House of Representatives, where rules do not apply and less government is the same as no government, where re-election by the people is not a mandate and where political opportunists run the show and trip over all over themselves to pat each other on the back for re-imaging government into a bloated horror franchise.

Bravo, Boehner. It’s time to strap on that cuddly monkey backpack leash and pull it tight. Your insufferable brats cannot be trusted.

Liz Henry can be found here and is a contributor to the forthcoming anthology The Myth of the Good Mother. She lives in Atlanta. Tweet her @_LizHenry

photo credit: DonkeyHotey/CC License

  • Something I find very interesting about all of this is that in spite of all of this effort to dismantle “Obamacare;’ interest in, and demand for, the new healthcare exchanges that opened yesterday is surpassing all expectations.

    So, when Michelle Bachmann says things like “It’s exactly what we wanted, and we got it;” you have to wonder what the hell she’s talking about.

  • Liz, you nailed it, babe! The Congress stupidity just keeps on growing. How did these idiots get elected?

  • Beverly Uhlmer

    When ObamaCare, with its unconstitutional segments, is fully implemented and your rights are stripped from you, YOU will be the one throwing tantrums. This monstrosity of many thousands of pages is the biggest power grab by an administration in the history of our nation. It is not about health care it is about CONTROL, and you will be fully controlled by the government, which will have all your private information at its fingertips.

  • Lesley

    Hahahahahahaha!

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