A Heavy-Handed Ode to the Clitoris

490px-Georgia_O'Keeffe,_Series_1,_No._8

Puns and a limerick to celebrate a special week. Please enjoy!

Today, I’m so sad to see Clitoris Awareness Week COME to an end. But I’ve decided to show my reverence by trying my HAND at some poetry. Yes, I’m doing some of my CHEEKIEST work as I help people peek under the HOOD of this magical organ. Rather than simply pay it LIP service, I felt poetry would help me go DEEP into the subject matter. I chose limerick form, because, of course, it begins with “L” “I” and ends with “C” “K.” Not to brag, but one friend called me a “cliterary genius” while another said I was a “cunning linguist.” Enjoy.

But grab a tissue. It will be touching.

ODE TO THE CLITORIS
by Aliza Worthington
B.A. and M.A. from Johns Hopkins University 1990

There once was a girl from the city
Who needed to write something witty.
She wracked her tired brain
For something germane
And came up with something quite clitty.

Apparently we lack awareness
Of female sex organs – UNFAIRNESS!
But at this fine hour,
We now know the power
That lurks beneath our underwear-ness.

The clitoris is like the penis.
It’s true, despite it’s outward wee-ness.
It’s eight inches long,
(That’s more than a dong!)
But most of it’s inside your she-ness.

This organ has eight THOUSAND small nerves!
So, careful when tasting the hors d-oeuvres…
Ensuring your friend
A real happy end.
Please show it the respect it deserves.

We don’t know if it’s reproductive.
But here’s some advice that’s constructive:
For problems spousal,
Work on arousal.
The clit’s good for feeling seductive!

So, celebrate dildo and fingers,
Monogamists, Singles or Swingers!
The clit’s center-stage
No matter your age!
(Hats off to all you cunnalingers…)

Though Clitoris Awareness Week is meant to be light-hearted in tone, it originated with a group’s very serious purpose – helping female victims of genital mutilation. Click here to learn about Clitoraid.

Aliza Worthington grew up in Brooklyn, NY, and now lives in Baltimore. She began writing in 2009 at the age of 40. Sometimes her writing follows The Seinfeld Model of “no learning, no hugging.” Other times it involves lots of both. She blogs about Life, Liberty and Happiness at “The Worthington Post.” Her work also appears in Purple Clover, and before that, in Catonsville Patch and Kveller. She has been featured in the Community Spotlight section of Daily Kos under the username “Horque.” Her piece for The Broad Side, Leaving Gender at the Door, was chosen as a BlogHer Voice of the Year in 2013. Follow her on Twitter at @AlizaWrites.

Originally published at Aliza’s site, The Worthington Post, this essay was a winner of a 2015 BlogHer Voices of the Year Award.

Image via Wikimedia Commons/Georgia O’Keeffe/in the public domain

Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Hillary Clinton, Shake It Off, Taylor Swift, Hillary Clinton Campaign song
Six Reasons “Shake It Off” Should Be Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Theme Song
Nancy Reagan dies, Just Say No, Ronald Reagan
A Not-So-Positive Ode to Nancy Reagan’s Frothy “Just Say No” Campaign
I Married for Health Insurance
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Why I Wrote “Trumping And Drinking”
A Case of Nixonian Deja Vu
Trump Reality Check, Now with Actual Facts!
Fascism Facts
I Married for Health Insurance
Get Over Yourselves. We’re All Rory Gilmore
Post-Election Munchies: What is Your Grief Snack of Choice?
Women’s Elections Rights in Saudi Arabia: A Token Drop in an Abysmal Bucket & the Plight of Women Under Sharia Law
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
Paris attacks, Paris terrorism
Is Paris Burning?
Chinese government and women's reproductive rights, adopting Chinese girls, international adoption
Dear Xi Jinping, I Am Writing to You as an American Mom of a 19-Year-Old Chinese Daughter
The Vital Voice of Hillary Clinton: Part 1
Maybe It Wasn’t Rape: Emerging Matriarchy and the Altering of Women’s Past Sexual Narratives
The Eyes Have It!
Ashley Madison, Jared Fogle, sex, rape, sexual affairs
Ashley Madison vs. Jared Fogle: Rape, Sex and Hacking in America
women's viagra, Viagra, Flibanserin, sexual arousal, women's desire, sex after menopause
That “Little Pink Pill” Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Get our new weekly email
Broadly Speaking

featuring our best words for the week + an exclusive longread