Bad Fortune Cookie Sarah Palin?

“The ‘man’ can only ride you when your back is bent.”

Thank you, Sarah Palin, for reminding us why we’re glad you were never a heartbeat away from becoming the most powerful person on the planet.

That comment, along with many others just as cryptic, that was delivered at the recent Iowa Freedom Summit, made it seem like Palin was trying out for a job as a bad soundbite writer rather than someone who wants to come just a little bit closer to regaining political relevance.

But that’s just one the gems she shared with the right-wing faithful, after her teleprompter apparently froze. After all this time in the spotlight, and all the speeches she’s made, you’d think that Palin could wing it coherently for few minutes, but apparently not.

But she didn’t just stop there. The former Alaska governor rambled incoherently, serving up what some have called a crazy “word salad,” trying to rally Iowans to reject any Democrat who comes their way in the run up to the 2016 presidential campaign.  Some of our choice favorites include:

“What will they do to stop causing our pain, and start feeling it again? Well, in other words, um – Is Hillary a New Democrat or an old one?”

“It’s to scare us off, to convince us that – a pantsuit can crush patriots?”

“Our government, it isn’t too big to fail. It’s too big to succeed. It’s too big to succeeds, so we can afford no retreads.”
“Now the other side? The far left? Well, they see a need for change. But … it’s by offering real change, again?! You know. Coronation. Rinse. Repeat.”
On Barack Obama: “America, he’s just not that into you.”

“But the $18 trillion question is, do the candidates that they’re ready for represent any real hope, any real change, or is more of the same old failed stateism that we suffer from.”

So much of what she was rambling on about reminded us of the bad fortune cookies we get at Chinese restaurants. You know the ones — there’s a slip of paper inside the cookie with some sort of confusing saying, but it’s certainly not a fortune. And while we looked forward to what wisdom would be imparted through the “fortune,” we’re only left scratching our heads over what it was supposed to mean in the first place.

 Thanks again, John McCain for putting her so close to the nuclear codes. Can you imagine what she would have said if she’d be the one to get that 3 a.m. wake-up call.

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