Double Standards: Men Are Judged on Their Merit, Women on the Size of Their Asses

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated


Have you seen Kate Upton’s Sports Illustrated cover? This girl is absolutely gorgeous. She is voluptuous and all of her curves are in the right spot, if you ask me. But not everyone agrees with me; like a lot of men who were tweeting that Kate Upton is not fit because she isn’t sporting six-pack abs and protruding hipbones. They have even dared to call her on the “chunky side.” The chunky side of what is what I want to know. Do they mean the chunky side of an acute anorexic? These men are everything that is wrong with our society.

Women are treated like property to be acquired and admired or judged by men. If they approve, we are put on a pedestal and if they disapprove we are discarded and openly insulted without consequence. Women all over the world are starving themselves and having surgery to try to hold on to their youth and weight because they are afraid of not being ogled by perverts, even the ugly ones. What are we teaching our girls?

Recently, film critic Rex Reed, took it upon himself to open fire on Melissa McCarthy. He was supposed to be reviewing her latest film Identity Thief but instead he was more focused on her weight. In his February 5 review in The New York Observer, Reed referred to McCarthy as “tractor-sized,” “a humongous creep” and a “female hippo.”

There has been some backlash from the media but how have we gotten to a place in the world where this man thinks he can hurl insults at this woman about her size and shape? Honestly, what the hell does her size and shape have to do with McCarthy’s acting ability, her comedic presence or her humanity? Why would he think it was okay, in polite society, to even reference her weight? Why is this his business?

Yet, if anyone so much as refers to Governor Chris Christie’s weight being an issue if he were to run for the White House in 2016, the whole world boo’s you because why is that an issue? He’s a man and he’s a politician and he should be respected for his skills as a politician, respected for what he does not the size of his waist. The ramification of his weight and its impact on his health, do, in fact, affect the entire country because of the increased chance that he could die in office. But it’s rude and he’s a man and we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. He is after all, a human and he has feelings and beauty is only skin deep. Right?

The world has two sets of standards — women are treated like property and men are treated like they can do no wrong. No matter what a man looks like — fat, skinny, tall, short, brown, yellow or green, he isn’t judged by what he looks like. He is judged by the measure of his merit. Why can’t we expend the same courtesy to our women?

This never-ending body image conversation teaches our girls that to get ahead in this world they have to be beautiful and appealing to men and if they are not, they will be severely judged and they should expect it and accept it. We are teaching our girls that their worth is in their looks and everything else is meaningless because no one will ever take them seriously. Well, no more. I call bullshit and I say it stops now.

We beat our women into psychological submission with our photo-shopped images and impossible standards. My honest opinion, as someone who has been a victim to society’s impossible standards myself and suffered the consequences, is that we should live and let live. Kate Upton is beautiful and so is Melissa McCarthy, both talented in different ways, as is Chris Christie. As for Rex Reed, well he seems to be an a-hole to the bone. Let’s try minding our own business and instead of tearing people down, respect people for who they are and what they do, not the size of their asses.

Deborah Cruz is the chief creative officer of The TRUTH about Motherhood, a parenting and lifestyle blog where she divulges the brutally honest truth about everything with a lot of passion and a little humor. Her husband always knew she had a feminist streak but since becoming a mommy to her girls, it has become her personal mission to protect the uteruses of all womankind. When she is not Throat Punching people or giving you the low down on parenting, you can also find her freelance writing at Mamas Latinas, Aiming Low, Modern Baby, Everyday Family, Moonfrye and Smart Mom Style. In her “spare” time, she tweets like it is her job @TruthfulMommy and might have a small addiction to Facebook.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

  • YAY! you go girl! thank you for telling it like it is! I am tired of seeing how it is “OK” to expect and demand that women fit a certain physique and criticize those who don’t, (even if they are talented!) but men are 1. allowed to be fat and it’s OK and 2. are judged by merit, not by looks.
    Perhaps we should do away with things that objectify women — wait– that would mean restructuring all of society now wouldn’t it?!?!
    thanks for telling it like it is Truthful Mommy!!

    • Sterling Archer

      I think judging MODELS on looks is ok lmao it is kind of the point. A male model is NOT allowed to be fat lol.. Nobody is saying Hillary Clinton is too fat to be president. (I have heard people say Christie is)

  • As always, Deb, you impress me with your way with words and your thoughtfulness. I agree with you 100% here. I’d kill for Kate Upton’s figure. If she’s not “enough,” what is??! it’s got to stop! xo

    • Sterling Archer

      you missed the point.. And also made the oppositions point. The reason female looks are valued so highly because women seem to value female looks more highly.

  • I agree with most of this here. I actually saw something on the news last night, a clip from an interview with Gov. Christie and he was being questioned about his weight and he was laughing it off as they flashed pictures of him eating pizza. Sickening. I get what you say, about how in his case his weight and health can affect people, but I think that people like Christie and McCarthy need to be looked at differently. I want to see MORE fat successful people in the media, so maybe someday people can say, see? SEE? People can be successful and famous no matter what they look like.

    • Folwart

      Being fat doesn’t stop someone from being successful, but if they weren’t fat they could be even more successful, or efficient. It’s not okay. It is okay to use peer pressure to achieve positive results.

  • Debbie,
    I stand right behind you as a mother of 3 girls and a woman who has lived most of my life wanting a body, a hair colour or eye colour I do not have. It has taken me a long time to accept what I have as beautiful and I know the same for your rings true. Kate Upton IS beautiful and I wouldn’t change anything about her. Men need to walk in our shoes in order to feel what it’s like. If our roles were reversed, they would be crying like babies. I’m with you on raising our girls to see and appreciated their own beauty regardless of what others think. A great post Debbie. You’re always so passionate when you write and although we’ve never met in person, your words tell so much about the kind of person you are. You care, love, believe, share and support like no other writer I’ve come to follow on the inter-webs. Love you!

  • m

    this article is awfully narrow-minded. way to cherry pick out examples from one, bigoted guy. obviously upton is judged on her looks… she is a model for christsakes not some scientist… everyone is critisized about their jobs if poeple think they are underperforming. You said it yourself, “Women all over the world are starving themselves and having surgery to try to hold on to their youth and weight because they are afraid of not being ogled by perverts, even the ugly ones.” So doesn’t the fault lie with the…. women? DO you want to force every man to find every women attractive and judge her solely based on personality? It’s immpossible and pretty darn hippocritical. “men are treated like they can do no wrong.”- are you serious right now? ” No matter what a man looks like — fat, skinny, tall, short, brown, yellow or green, he isn’t judged by what he looks like.”- oh glad to see that is completly bakced up with evidence.

    • Folwart

      Men are judged on every specific trait. Physique, smarts, ability to provide, personality, attractiveness, creepiness factor (a relatively recent addition, past couple decades). What are women judged on? Overall attractiveness. You have a range of well balanced models like this one on the lower end of that range, the super skinny and then obese. America makes one thing really well. Obese people.

      Let’s talk about the obesity epidemic. It affects both men and women, but it is more of a detriment to women in the mating game I think. Men are visual creatures and women aren’t respectful of that. On one hand women want to feel attractive and be ogled to a point, and on the other hand that makes men shallow.

      Men are judged on their appearance a lot. Not all women care that much, but some men are attracted to heavier women too. It’s not men’s fault that on average women don’t care as much if we’re fat as long as we bust ass and kick ass when the need arises.

      Solution? No more fucking cheeseburgers, ho hos and ding dongs. Eat fucking vegetables and drink water for fuck sakes. Cut the fatty salty sugared bullshit, and take a walk around the grocery store instead of hopping on the electric cart. You don’t have to be rail thin to be sexy to most, you’ll never be sexy to all, and that goes for both sexes.

      And don’t tell people to be proud of being unhealthy. You don’t tell alcoholics to be happy with who they are all drunk and wasted, you don’t tell crack addicts to just be proud of who they are, we shouldn’t treat being obese like it’s fucking just fine. It’s horrible for our health and the extra cost of medical care is significant.

  • scooned

    Guys are judged by their looks all the time….case in point. How many women reading this have said “i only date guys taller than me”

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