Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Maybe the Sexting Isn’t Any of Our Business

WEINER (v_F).inddWarning: The link in the first paragraph will take you to a site that uses NSFW language.

Do you ever read Dan Savage’s brilliant column Savage Love? It’s great. He gives sex advice and he’s smart and funny and really open-minded about it. One of his rules for a satisfying sexual relationship is to be GGG: Good, Giving, and Game. By that he means be skilled in the bedroom, care about your partner’s pleasure, and be game to indulge your partners kinks, within reason. And there are a lot of partners out there with a lot of kinks. Foot fetishes, role play, threesomes, all the kind of stuff you find in 50 Shades of Grey. People have varied tastes in sexual activity and, if they’re lucky, they meet the partner who is game to indulge them in a safe and reasonable way.

Which brings me to Huma Abedin and Anthony Wiener.

Here’s what we know about them: they are married, they are/were politically powerful, they have a baby, he has a propensity for sex-tweeting strangers. That’s it. That’s all we know.

Here’s what we don’t know: what their sex life is like, what their kinks are, what turns them each on, how they respond to each other’s kinks, what the sexual rules of their marriage are, who’s allowed to do what with whom according to those rules, how either of them feel about each other’s kinks.

For all we know, Huma thinks sexting strangers is exciting. For all we know, the two of them would actually enjoy something more daring and the Tweeting is as far as they’re willing to go for fear of more damage to their careers. For all we know, the only thing Huma’s upset about is the publicizing of a shared kink.

We don’t know. So we can’t really judge. And we shouldn’t sound off about how they should conduct their marriage going forward.

There’s always a knee-jerk reaction in situations like this where we all yell, “Girl! Get away from that cheating scumbag!” And sometimes it’s patently clear that the cheating is, in fact, cheating. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James spring to mind. Mark and Jenny Sanford. The reactions of the wives in those stories demonstrated that yes, yes those men were violating the terms of their individual marriages and the women were doing the right thing for themselves by ending the relationship. OK. Good. But then there are the women who stay in marriages where so-called cheating has occurred and we all scratch our heads and wonder why. Why does Mrs. Vitter put up with the Senator’s visits to prostitutes? Why does Hillary keep letting Bill have cigars? Why is Huma standing next to Anthony on the podium? Are they too weak to leave? Or are they in on the action?

We don’t know. Hopefully, we’ll never know. Couples’ sexual lives should be private. Unless exhibitionism is their shared kink. If it is, maybe politics is a bad choice of career. Just sayin’.

It’s one thing to look at an unfolding sex scandal and say, “Geez, I would never tolerate that in my marriage.” It’s another to say, “She needs to end that marriage immediately.” We don’t have all the facts so we don’t know what the right next thing is for any couple. Let Anthony and Huma hash out their own arrangement and spare them the judgement.

But go ahead and laugh at the fake Twitter name. Because Carlos Danger? Is hilarious.

Rebekah Kuschmider is a D.C. area mom with an over-developed sense of irreverence, socialist tendencies, a cable news addiction, and a blog. Rebekah has an undergraduate degree in theater and Masters in Arts Policy and Administration and a decade of experience managing arts organizations and advocating in the public health sector.  Rebekah also blogs about her life, her thoughts, and her opinions at She was voted one of the Top 25 Political Mom Blogs at Circle of Moms. Her work has also been seen at, Redbook online, and the Huffington Post.

  • Monica

    I don’t care at all about what his behavior says about his marriage or whether Huma stays or goes. There are weightier issues here. Clearly, he has very poor judgment and unfortunately, he seems constitutionally incapable of being discreet and thoughtful about almost anything. By entering into this mayoral race, he has given tacit permission for any and all to parse his personal life. That’s the fact of politics in the 21st Century. It seems naive to say that individuals seeking office in today’s world should receive a pass on their private life. Even if people don’t like it, social media has been around long enough that a person with any sense should realize it can’t be put it out “there” without knowing it’s going to be found. As an official who might be running the 16th largest economy in the world, he would have direct impact on my life. That’s when his lack of having a clear understanding of his actions becomes my business.

  • Heather

    Like Monica, I don’t care even a little about Abedin’s and Weiner’s sex life, their marriage, or how either one of them feels about virtually anything.

    The sex isn’t the point.

    The lack of judgement is. The lack of self-control is. The duplicity is.

    This is a couple that orchestrated a political comeback predicated on the idea that he had sinned, repented, and changed. At least one of the two of them knew this was not the case. These are professional political operatives who are well aware of the inner workings of opposition research – and at least one of the two of them had to know that this was going to come out at some point.

    This is a man who wants to run the world’s 16th largest economy and hold court over a population of 8 million people. And so far, all he has shown his potential constituents is that he’s willing to lie to them.

    • Elissa

      Heather…I think you hit the nail on the head. The whole notion of “oh let’s keep their sex lives private” is duplicitous unto itself. He brought it upon himself in the public eye, she acknowledged it, and they continue to run in the mayoral race. The sheer lack of judgement is exactly what should be called into question here – and the fact they feel they can play it out like a politically scripted scenario.

  • Great article.

    I’m not sure he is fit for public office, but I think most career politicians are not.

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