Do you ever read Dan Savage’s brilliant column Savage Love? It’s great. He gives sex advice and he’s smart and funny and really open-minded about it. One of his rules for a satisfying sexual relationship is to be GGG: Good, Giving, and Game. By that he means be skilled in the bedroom, care about your partner’s pleasure, and be game to indulge your partners kinks, within reason. And there are a lot of partners out there with a lot of kinks. Foot fetishes, role play, threesomes, all the kind of stuff you find in 50 Shades of Grey. People have varied tastes in sexual activity and, if they’re lucky, they meet the partner who is game to indulge them in a safe and reasonable way.
Which brings me to Huma Abedin and Anthony Wiener.
Here’s what we know about them: they are married, they are/were politically powerful, they have a baby, he has a propensity for sex-tweeting strangers. That’s it. That’s all we know.
Here’s what we don’t know: what their sex life is like, what their kinks are, what turns them each on, how they respond to each other’s kinks, what the sexual rules of their marriage are, who’s allowed to do what with whom according to those rules, how either of them feel about each other’s kinks.
For all we know, Huma thinks sexting strangers is exciting. For all we know, the two of them would actually enjoy something more daring and the Tweeting is as far as they’re willing to go for fear of more damage to their careers. For all we know, the only thing Huma’s upset about is the publicizing of a shared kink.
We don’t know. So we can’t really judge. And we shouldn’t sound off about how they should conduct their marriage going forward.
There’s always a knee-jerk reaction in situations like this where we all yell, “Girl! Get away from that cheating scumbag!” And sometimes it’s patently clear that the cheating is, in fact, cheating. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James spring to mind. Mark and Jenny Sanford. The reactions of the wives in those stories demonstrated that yes, yes those men were violating the terms of their individual marriages and the women were doing the right thing for themselves by ending the relationship. OK. Good. But then there are the women who stay in marriages where so-called cheating has occurred and we all scratch our heads and wonder why. Why does Mrs. Vitter put up with the Senator’s visits to prostitutes? Why does Hillary keep letting Bill have cigars? Why is Huma standing next to Anthony on the podium? Are they too weak to leave? Or are they in on the action?
We don’t know. Hopefully, we’ll never know. Couples’ sexual lives should be private. Unless exhibitionism is their shared kink. If it is, maybe politics is a bad choice of career. Just sayin’.
It’s one thing to look at an unfolding sex scandal and say, “Geez, I would never tolerate that in my marriage.” It’s another to say, “She needs to end that marriage immediately.” We don’t have all the facts so we don’t know what the right next thing is for any couple. Let Anthony and Huma hash out their own arrangement and spare them the judgement.
But go ahead and laugh at the fake Twitter name. Because Carlos Danger? Is hilarious.