oh so yummy bad.
Now is when I hurl my fat ass up onto my high horse and beg our legislators to tax one of my favorite things to imbibe.
I’m asking you to take MORE money from me and everyone else for eating junk food. We deserve to put a few extra pennies into our future diabetes and heart attack fund. We deserve to pay additional cents for eating crap food.
TAX US FATTIES.
Why did I launch myself up onto this equine? While watching MSNBC and the great Rachel Maddow* (as all good liberals do), there was a commercial from Americans Against Food Taxes. In the commercial, a nice white suburban mom unloads her groceries from the trunk of her sedan and speaks to the viewer as a concerned citizen, scared that the evil government will take food out of the mouths of her babes for all those extra pennies she’ll have to pay for her “food” (*ahem* sodas).
Guess what, white lady. SODAS AREN’T FOOD. High-fructose corn syrup is not food. It’s a
yummy concoction. Capri Suns are not food. They’re fake-sugary liquid candy (unless you get the 100% juice kind). Oreos are not food. They’re a delicious chemical compound.
I’m smart enough to know that I feed at the Trough of Crap. I know I’m addicted to sugar and HFCS. I also know better than to feed my kids high amounts of sugar and HFCS. They are severely limited on the number of sugary treats and do not drink soda. (They make up for my lack of parenting in the amount of TV they watch.)
I also know better than to believe that soda, sugar, and high-fructose corn syrup are foods and they are making us all fatter.
Like cigarettes and gas with extra “you’ll-die-someday-at-the-hands-of-evil-products” taxes, please dear government, please take a few extra pennies from my
case of Mountain Dew purchase to help educate the masses about diabetes and heart disease. I can guaran-damn-tee that junk food and soda sales will not go down. We fatties are already paying too much for our addiction. Those extra few cents won’t kill us. The crap-food will do that first.
I’d love to know who is funding the Americans Against Food Taxes considering their supporters are corn growers, sugar growers, and Republican legislators, and grocers. (Actually, I’m sure I already know who’s against the tax just by that last statement.)
So please, Mr. Obama and all you other
lame-duck Democrats in Congress, tax my fat ass. I deserve it.
*My girl-crush on Rachel Maddow has no bearing on this conversation other than the fact that I may or may not have been day-dreaming of her Awesomeness while waiting for her return during the commercial break.