As I embarked on a personalized week-long retreat with SpiritQuest, a spiritual retreat company, in Sedona, I take a deep breath and realize a very important thing.
I am sovereign.
Standing at a crossroads in my life I find myself in a uniquely liberating position. Sovereignty. I divorced last year, making me single after a 12-year marriage. My 40th birthday waits for me in August. My children are in school and they are used to me by now. I’ve raised good humans with foundations of good self-esteem and resilience. I trust my parenting, they do too. I’m used to my self. I feel confident in my own skin. I’ve done the work of youth. I’ve graduated into adulthood. I’ve healed my childhood wounds. My adolescent angst, both political and personal, I’ve cast into the wind, opting for optimism instead. I’ve been persistent and steadfast in my personal and professional development. I have let go of my parents expectations (mostly). I love my life. I choose my peer pressure wisely. When I come across something I hate, I stop doing it. With the divorce I gained a heaping spoonful of autonomy and a large glass of mother-coveted time to myself.
On the banks of Oak River, under the famous ragged red Cathedral Rock, I spread my arms and let the sovereignty of my life soak into me like a soul salve. I build a carne as a ritual manifestation of my commitment to The Year of Yes!, where I say yes to whatever my Soul wants me to do.
I am sovereign. This has led me to the Spirit quenching experience in Sedona, delighting in a personalized retreat that involves massage, chakra clearing, relationship exploration, life coaching, meditation and private yoga classes. Could my Soul be more generous? Yes, Please!
What does sovereignty feel like? The bliss of it for me is that I don’t have to run my life’s purpose and intentions by another person, who gets to have a say. It sounds simple, but the autonomy of it is so liberating I can barely describe it. I can redesign my website without compromising or clearing it with my wasband’s budget values. I never have to hear him say, “we can’t afford it,” ever again. I can set off on my course as an Authentic Power Life Coach without having to get him on board. I can listen to my Soul’s voice, without trying to convince anyone that this is a valid and wise thing to do, though no one else can hear the same voice. I can buy a new dress or get a massage and I don’t have to feel guilty or make excuses about why this was a legitimate expense. I don’t have to compete for the dollars. They are mine and I trust my judgement implicitly about what the best thing to do with them is. I can have the co-parent keep the kids for a week while I go on a SpiritQuest for my new spiritual travel column for Bella Spark Magazine.
Authentic Power is the ability to create one’s life the way they want.
I never had Authentic Power in corporate America, being subject to the likes of whatsherface Yahoo CEO, just the newest in a soul sucking culture of “productivity.” I am my own boss. I claim my own destiny. I am sovereign in my business and in life. No one else has a legitimate stake in them.
When you think about it, this is a rare window in a woman’s life. I don’t have to negotiate or compromise my life with anyone. Regardless of how progressive you think your marriage or relationship is, the fact remains that when you are sharing a home, budget or life with someone the whole thing is based on negotiation and compromise. That’s what it is by its very design. I’m not saying I’m against that or will never be in a committed relationship again. I enjoy marriage, in theory.
Still, in this tiny window of sovereignty I am relishing every single second. I am dancing in it. I am twirling around like a little girl wearing a fancy dress with my arms spread wide to embrace as much of it as I can. In this pivotal, transitional moment in my life between my 30s and 40s I get to choose from virtually anything. I have the authentic power to design my life any. way. I. choose. On this retreat I simply get to be in that. I get to imagine the life I want to create. And I get to do it with some of the greatest healers in the country.
How rare. How precious. How exciting. How liberating.
I am sovereign.
Tracee Sioux is an Authentic Power Life Coach helping people attract miracles and manifest magic, author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Co-dependent and Other Love Stories; and blogs atTheGirlRevolution.com. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.