Women Invented Language
You know how “they” always say that women weren’t allowed to be literate until like the 1800s or something ridiculous like that? Well that’s just stupid.
One only has to compare the verbal and written communication skills of a boy toddler and a girl toddler to know that one is more naturally gifted with language than the other. Surely every kindergarten and preschool teacher has witnessed the obvious. One only has to be in a relationship to know that the idea that men felt the strongest desire to communicate is a down-right absurdity.
Women invented language. They formed words and wrote them down and then taught those skills to men, finding a way to force them to communicate.
At some point in history men got intimidated and wanted to flex their muscles and burned, destroyed and otherwise silenced women to gain power. Destroying a vast amount of world history in the process. Which is a tragedy.
It’s true. I would prove it, except they destroyed all the evidence.
Equal Pay Is A Dumb Idea
We’ve been begging congress to give women equal pay since 1963. They don’t want to. If they did, we’d have accomplished this by now. It’s not because they are sexist (well, maybe it is), but it’s mostly because they are capitalists and men derive pleasure from competition. It’s the merit system.
Equal pay as a law was probably a good idea in 1963 when men held all the power and ran all the companies and women were just barely entering college in mass.
But, in 2012 it’s a low, low bar. We shouldn’t rob ourselves and our sisters the opportunity to out-earn their male counterparts after 2,000 years of economic oppression. That would be short-sighted and wrong.
Women are attaining higher degrees than men. In large cities young professional women are out-earning and out-advancing their male counterparts.
Most important, women are starting more businesses than men. THIS is how we’ll achieve equal pay — if such a low bar is to be achieved. Women CEOs will decide whether they choose to reward gender, merit or pay a flat rate for each employee in a certain job. It will be interesting to see what we choose when we hold the power in our own hands.
Smart Women Don’t Run For Office
We always say we want more female representation in political office. Well, mostly liberal women say that. Of course, they don’t mean they want more female representation, what they really mean is we want more pro-choice Democratic female representation. Republican pro-life women are to be publicly tarred and feathered.
Personally, I think a more feminine Republican party benefits everyone. If only because it’s getting stale looking at those smug stubborn grey-haired men’s faces. Women are more creative. A good maternal Republican woman would slash the hell out of extras in the budget and lock those smug men in a room with generic bags of cold cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until they could agree on budgets and bills.
Still, that would be the only fun part. The rest of it sounds like a lot of crap that no woman in her right mind would want to deal with. I mean, what’s great about the job? First you have to spend all your money in the ridiculous junior high school-style popularity contest they call campaigns, you have to put up with rude, disrespectful and insulting questions from journalists and tabloid writers calling themselves journalists, people dig in your garbage to find scraps of paper with something incriminating on them, they hack into your email, you have to make your taxes public, half the world hates your guts and wants to see you dead, they drag out all your old boyfriends and lovers to say something bad about you, they Photoshop your face on naked people and have porn stars pretend to be you in ironically titled adult films, they rake your religion over the coals, they harass your children, they criticize your every parenting choice and the neighbors tattle about the time you yelled out the door, “Get your butt in here and clean up your room or you will face DIRE CONSEQUENCES!”
Then, you get the job and every word, choice, haircut and lipstick color gets picked to death by the blogosphere. You can’t accomplish everything you said you would because that’s how the system was designed — but they blame you anyway. You never make enough money to make back what you spent on the campaign in the first place. Then you have to pay for an apartment in Washington and kiss people’s ass all the time.
Who in their right mind would want this job? Essentially, it’s committing quality-of-life suicide. If you love yourself, ladies, don’t run for office.
Tracee Sioux is the author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories and writes at The Girl Revolution. She’s also a freelance writer in Northern Colorado.